KEEP ON KEEPING ON

I'm going to take you on a quick look at my life. I want to show you where I came from and where I am today. Lets keep in mind I'm only going to hit the key points or else we would be here for a long while. So, with that said, let us get started.

February 2, 1985 I was born. I was the first child to my mom and dad. It wasn't long after that before I had a little sister who was born early and very sick. I don't remember much about those days except sleep-overs and coffee (mainly milk) with my granny.

As time went on and my sister and I grew up we both traveled different roads. My dad drank, and had to work a lot to cover all the bills and mom was always depressed and working herself and exhausted. (Now that I am grown I completely understand why she was the way she was) Crystal dove straight into the "bad crowd." I am talking about drugs, sex, alcohol, and whatever else she could get and I hit the books and was involved in band and whatever else I could do to be away from all of them. I was hiding just like everyone else. Dad was hiding in work, mom was hiding in her work and depression, Crystal was hiding in her "crowd" and I was hiding in school.

Since everything was falling apart and nobody had to deal with anything I secretly developed OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) Maybe it was from inappropriate touches from our cousin or just a cry for attention, I really have no idea. I would scrub my hands, cut my face, and much more. I wouldn't use public restrooms and I myself was deeply depressed and guess what now on top of all that I had a little brother on the way and my parents were talking about the big "D" word....divorce. Plus we were in the process of moving back to Virginia from Tennessee and my world was such a mess. After moving back and David being born I was put into counseling, Crystal settled down a little and well David was the only sane person in the house. Mom and dad reconciled and things got better for awhile.

Now, it would be nice if the story ended there and everyone lived happily ever after....not the case here though.

By the time I was 16 I joined my sister's lifestyle and added a little extra to it. Yep, pot, cocaine, acid, alcohol, and parties. I would do anything for a buzz except have sex. My body was not up for sell. Then for the first time at 16 I got my first real boyfriend. Of course he was older and loved to drink, abuse and party. What can I say? I knew nothing more at this point and really didn't care. I didn't feel anything, and that was nice to me. I felt like a zombie, but at least I didn't hurt or feel lost or whatnot anymore. Well, at least that was the illusion.

Illusions are just that...illusionS...and they don't last forever.

As you can guess a relationship like that doesn't last. I wanted more again out of life and he was happy doing what he was doing. However, change was needed and I was still hurting. The drugs wore off and reality started weighing to heavy again, and I guess part of me wasn't willing to change either. I needed a quick fix...the easy way out...a short cut past the pain and I started drinking. I had met another guy who was my drinking buddy/boyfriend and soon-to-be husband. We had a baby and everything was rolling and I couldn't catch up again. We all know an unfaithful, alcoholic, party buddy doesn't make for a good husband but what can I say I had hope things would be different. Boy, was I wrong.

So, to continue on I stopped drinking, we got married, bought a home, a new car, and had another baby on the way when the separation came about. Enough was enough for me. I was flipping out. The years had caught up with me and I had no idea what to do again. I figured change was in need but the reality of the situations and life in general slapped me. I remember standing in our new home reading emails he sent to another woman and suddenly I was my mom. Scary I know. Especially since I said I never wanted to be like her.

My youngest daughter Kaylyn was born three months early fighting for her life was a huge wake up call for me in many areas of my life, but like before things got hard and I tried to take the easy way and started drinking again worse than ever this time. New born baby who was sick, new home, new car, new bills, separation, 23 years old and all my old demons. I finally came to a conclusion that I couldn't live that way. It was really time for a change and time to get some of those old demons off my back.

It has been over two years since that day and my last drink, divorce, and new start. I quickly joined Brentwood Church and started a new path in my life. Has it been easy? Hell NO! Is the temptation of old patterns yelling loud at times? You better believe it, but I have the hope and desire to be a better person and the love of Christ and family that help. So, I just have to "keep on keeping on" as Joe Dirt would say, and that's what I do each day, each battle, and be thankful for each blessing even when it is hard.